Procrastination. Guilt. Internal unrest.
Every medical student feels these emotions at some point in his or her journey—some more than others. Some proudly announce it as an accomplishment or rite of passage, like an all-nighter was during undergrad. Underneath that pride is a search for acceptance from others, but even when that reassurance is offered, your gut never quite believes it. The guilt slowly sets in, day by day—first unconsciously, then consciously. You know you shouldn’t watch that next episode on Netflix, but you hit play anyways, desperate for an escape from reality and responsibilities. The guilt creeps in once more, enough to make you want to stay hidden in the world of fiction.
But why? After countless days and nights of hard work and sacrifices, what makes happiness and satisfaction so elusive?
Perhaps, it is because you know it will not always feel this way. There are times when you are excited and grateful for the opportunity that many others long to experience. But you also know that you’ve earned it, and you deserve to be here. The problem? Burn out. But “burn out” does not do justice to how you are feeling. This term is thrown around so much so that it just seems like a fad that may fade away sooner or later. Like the boy who cried wolf or horrible stories in the news, you hear it so much that it starts to lose significance.
So then, what is the solution? There is no easy answer, or even a correct one waiting to be found. If there were, the human race would likely have figured it out by now. Maybe this is just part of the universal human experience and we must accept that some will be affected by it more than others, like with anything else in life. But acceptance does not just mean keeping things in the status quo; it means we have to find a way to normalize the experience and not see it as a red flag to be hidden in shame from classmates.
This may seem too easy or even bizarre, but I honestly believe that part of the solution is to encourage “slowing down” in our culture. Medicine is a culture, and we can either continue in a direction of cynicism and toxicity or we can choose to not participate in a culture of cutthroat competition. We get to decide how we embrace or reject our culture.
Regardless of our individual efforts, however, institutional change is also necessary. Medicine, like most institutions, runs on money, and, according to the world we live in, time is money. This, then, is what drives our fast-paced culture, in which we lack “time” to actually listen, as we balance a gazillion thoughts in our heads. But therein lies the problem: time.
Time is a fascinating concept. Time is not the only unique concept invented by and given importance by humans. We assign value to a piece of paper and call it money. In the same way, we assign importance to time, and suddenly, doing everything as quickly as possible becomes everything. This is not to say that time is not critical because surely it can mean a world of difference in the quality of life for a patient suffering from a stroke. But why must these concepts translate into all aspects of our lives and professions? Why can’t we choose to slow down and be rewarded for being present in the moment?
This mindset of “being present in the moment” resonates quite strongly with me because I remember preparing for my medical school interviews and pondering potential responses to questions about resilience. At the time, I never thought that procrastination would manifest as my quest for resilience.
“There’s so much to learn, and so much to do, and so little time,” said every medical student ever.
Pareena Kaur is a member of the class of 2021 at the University of Arizona College of Medicine - Phoenix. She is originally from India, but spent her childhood between Arizona and Canada. She graduated from the University of Arizona in 2017 with a Bachelor’s degree in Physiology and minors in French and Neuroscience. In her free time, Pareena enjoys spending time with friends and family, traveling, and dancing. She is a big foodie, and Indian street food is her favorite!