Throughout my first year of medical school, I have experienced many new things. There have been some glowing highs and some humbling lows. One experience in particular sticks out to me because I was experiencing both these sensations at once, simultaneously filled with excitement and terror.
I was shadowing in labor and delivery to learn more about what it would be like to have a career as an OB hospitalist. The doctor was warm and welcoming, and I was feeling very optimistic about the day. Her first case was a cesarean section, and as we walked the halls, she assured me that if I felt faint at all during the procedure, it would be completely acceptable to take a step back or even leave the OR.
When we were all scrubbed in, I was feeling quite giddy, nestled between two attendings, who were both actively coaching me on the ins and outs of the procedure; however, soon my giddy feelings turned cold and clammy. As blood obscured the anatomy, I was suddenly unable to focus on the medicine, instead turning my attention to the moaning and discomfort of our patient. I felt sweaty and tried to redirect my attention to the procedure but there was a dark spot in my vision, and it was ominously growing by the second.
I was incredibly frustrated, the baby was so close to coming out, if only I could stay vertical for one more minute, I wouldn’t miss it. As the doctor began to deliver the head, I took three large steps away from the table. Immediately a nurse came over and sat me down, she removed my gloves, and gave me an alcohol wipe to place under my nose. Of course I was embarrassed, I did not make it through the whole procedure and felt that in some way I had failed.
After I had some time to reset, I stood back up and watched the doctor close up. The doctors continued to teach me and shared their own experiences with the vasovagal response, which made me feel a lot better about the whole thing. They understand that our bodies have an evolutionary response to certain stimuli, it is not a person being weak or disgusted, and it does not dictate your career.
I went back a week later and was able to observe a cesarean section and multiple deliveries without any difficulty. Still, it left me thinking what if these doctors and nurses had not been so supportive? I would have been afraid to go back; in fact, I bet I would have been afraid to scrub in for any procedure. The nurses and doctors who happened to be around that day made all the difference by treating me with compassion and encouragement. I was compelled to share this story so that my colleagues might also be encouraged and feel less alone. It is important to understand these experiences can happen to anyone. In medicine, we often feel the need to be tough, but we are all humans, learning as we go along and experiencing many different emotions—sometimes all at once.
Katherine Bracamontes is a student at The University of Arizona College of Medicine-Phoenix class of 2023. She graduated from the University of Southern California in 2015 with a B.S. in Lifespan Health. While living in California she became involved with her local radio station, which fostered an interest in community culture and journalism. Katherine enjoys live music and hiking at a very, very leisurely pace.